Ugly Bella
by Pakse
Summary: What's a woman to do in L.A. when you don't fit the mold? Personal Assistant Izzy finds herself without a job only to be offered a new one as Edward Cullen's new PA. But how will she handle him being an egotistical son of a ... Mature Content. BxE.
1. Bad Moon Rising

**This is my first attempt at fan fiction. All important author notes will be in my description versus the pages themselves. As a frequent reader of fan fiction, I find it irksome having to scroll through ramblings that have no relevance towards the story. If you have questions for me, I welcome them. If you have something negative to say, attempt to be constructive or I shall ignore you. Thank you for your interest in my work.**

**-All characters are owned by their respective authors and no copyright infringement is intended.-**

* * *

It was one of those days. One of those really fucking shitty days where you wish there was empirical proof of God so you could send him an email and demand an answer to why he would pull this shit. The saying "It could be worse" was definitely referring to this day. I hate fucking Mondays.

I knew it going to be bad when I woke up to a fucking rainstorm outside. It never rains in L.A. and yet its fucking raining. I moved here for the sunshine after a childhood full of cloudy skies and do you think its too much to ask for a bit of it? Freak weather the forecasters are calling it. A sign of the fucking apocalypse is more like it.

Yeah. Okay. I'm fucking grouchy, but I think I have good cause. After almost 10 years of working for quite possibly the sweetest old man in the world, he tells me on Friday that his trophy wife wants him to retire so she can live on the beach in Aruba. He married her less than a year ago and I can honestly say it was disgust at first sight. She reminded me of Anna Nicole Smith with her fake breasts and bleached hair. She wanted a rich old man who she could milk for all his money and she found him.

When I commented to Aro that he might want to rethink her 'loving' motives for marriage, he told me flat out he was too old and tired to look for love. He'd be content on buying an artificial version and honestly, can you blame the guy? Really? I mean, yeah, I get it, she's 20 something and he's 60 something with a shit-ton of cash.

When he called me in to his office on Friday with a nervous sound in his voice, I knew something was up. Aro Volturi was well known throughout the L.A. area as a fucking pit bull. He was responsible for producing 3 of the top 5 grossing films of all time and it was through his take no prisoner's attitude and my complete lack of social life, that this was achieved. Yeah, I'm taking some of the credit. Who do you think does all his running around for him? The trophy wife? Did I mention her name was Sulpicia? Talk about hating your child.

Anyway, I was interrupted during a really important game of minesweeper (don't you dare judge me – that shit is addictive) and that meant this was serious business. As I strolled over to his office door and gave a brief knock, I saw him slumped over his desk with a sad look on his face. I immediately thought of the worse possible scenario.

"Oh fuck, Aro. Please don't tell me you're going to be a father. I can't bring myself to add shopping for Pampers to the list of degrading things I do for you already."

"What the hell are you talking about Izzy," he said.

"You look like someone just kicked you in the nuts Aro and the only reason I can think of is either a deal fell through or you knocked Sulpicia up. Please, please, please tell me its Option A."

His face twisted in a mock frown before he started laughing loudly. His whole body was shaking and tears running down his cheeks and all I could think of was 'He's fucking lost it.' As he got control of himself he waved me to the seat in front of his desk and wiped the wetness from his cheeks.

"I'm going to miss your snarky comments my dear girl."

"What?? Are you dying? What the fuck Aro. What's wrong? Shit, are you firing me? I mean I know I called Tom Cruise a nut-job to his face, but come on Aro. Speaking truth isn't a crime is it??"

"No Izzy, I'm not dying nor am I firing you. I'm retiring. Sulpicia isn't happy in L.A. anymore and honestly I'm tired of the business. If it wasn't for you, I probably would have retired years ago, but even with all the work you do, I just can't justify it anymore. I'm a rich old bastard with very little to show for it and I want to make the best of the few years I have left before Sulpicia fucks me into a grave."

With a deep sigh and a shake of my head, I stood up and went around the desk and gave him a hug. Ever since I started working for Aro right out of college, he became a grandfather figure to me. He guided me in this fucked up industry full of bad moral values and fake body parts and helped me avoid the pitfalls that lesser people fell in to. I hope I retained enough over the years to get by without him now... shit, I'm fucked.

"I get it Aro. How soon til we close shop? I was wondering why we had no films ready to go after _Bad Moon Rising_ finished post-production."

"A few weeks, maybe a month at best. I really am sorry Izzy. I hadn't made a definite decision until the other day and then I just couldn't bring myself to tell you til now."

"Yeah. Shit. Well I hope you write me one incredible reference letter. I haven't gone job hunting since that time you started wearing plaid almost everyday to the office four years ago. It was giving me migraines."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Now get out of my office while I write your letter for you. I'm sure that game of minesweeper won't finish itself on its own."

He knew me too well. I couldn't help but grin at him, walked out of his office and shut the door behind me. I didn't start shaking until I sat at my desk and stared at the screen. I was barely making the bill and rent despite my decent paycheck. Its amazing how things can change over the course of two years. First Charlie, now this. What next?

I couldn't stare blankly at the minesweeper taunting me anymore. I had to get the fuck out of there. I grabbed my things, told Aro I was heading out and made a stop at the store for some Ben & Jerry's. I went home, shut the blinds, put the phone on vibrate, grabbed a pint from the freezer and started a marathon of the movies I helped bring into being over the years. I thought it would be cathartic, but by Monday morning I was sick of Ben and his hetero life-mate Jerry. I was sick of the film industry and all the false shit it spewed. I was sick of my life and I really wanted to make a change, but what is a broke, size 12 and braces wearing 33 year old woman supposed to do in L.A.?

God, I fucking hate Mondays.


	2. She's got Skillz

**This is my first attempt at fan fiction. All important author notes will be in my description versus the pages themselves. As a frequent reader of fan fiction, I find it irksome having to scroll through ramblings that have no relevance towards the story. If you have questions for me, I welcome them. If you have something negative to say, attempt to be constructive or I shall ignore you. Thank you for your interest in my work.**

**-All characters are owned by their respective authors and no copyright infringement is intended.-**

* * *

It has been about two weeks since Aro took a giant crap on my life. I know its not fair, but I'm still feeling sorry for myself and the job hunt is sucking ass. He told me he would have me covered financially until I found a new job, but as much as I like to think of him as Grand-papa Aro he's not. My Grandfather is an 83 year old lech living in an old person's community in Florida. He spends his days pretending he is still in his 20s and hits on all the college girls that come down for Spring Break. Nothing more attractive than an old man gumming a wolf whistle at you and trying to grab your ass. You go Gramps.

So now I have a money crunch as well as a time crunch. I don't know if Aro knows how tight things are for me financially. I always believed that work and personal should never mix and I've hidden the drama in my life from the office fairly successfully over the years. I learned early on when I first started for Aro the downside of not.

When Aro first hired me, it was entirely luck. I was in Starbucks ordering some froofy, long-winded drink for my roommate Angela and the barista kept screwing it up. He was too busy ogling Pamela Anderson standing behind me to pay me any mind. I get it, she's hot, but now my order isn't you fucknut. When I called his attention for the third time to fix it, he had the audacity to roll his eyes at me and I just lost it.

One thing you should understand about me is I love to swear. It is soothing for me to be so blunt and crass, but I know when its appropriate and I have nothing but proper public decorum. That is unless some asshole fucks with me. Then I rip him a new one.

"Listen here you post-pubescent pathetic piece of poop. You were hired for a job a monkey could fucking do and yet you still can't do it fucking right. I've been patient and calm with you because that is how you should treat brain damaged people like yourself, but now I've reached my limit. I know Ms. Anderson is standing behind me and I am sure your pimples are just turning her on ever so much and she'll run away with you given the chance, but could you hold off on that rendezvous just for a moment so you can mix my fucking drink correctly?"

He jumped to it and I got a new coffee while I internally high-fived myself for my earlier bit of alliteration. I even got a free cookie out of it so go me. When Ms. Anderson gave me a grin during my exit of the coffee shop, I couldn't help but grin back at her. Yeah, she's plastic but you gotta give a girl credit for having a sense of humor, too. I still think Baywatch is shit though.

Aro had been waiting in line as well and he stopped me on my way down the street back to my room. At first I thought he was some skeezy creep, but he offered me his card and told me he was in need of someone with a bit of balls to work for him. I told him I wasn't interested in doing porn and that I wasn't tucking. He told me that's too bad, his cousin's son was looking for a new boy toy for his private home films. Supposedly they were very tastefully shot. I liked him on the spot and started working for him when I graduated 2 months later with a BA in business.

My first encounter in Aro's office was meeting Maria. She was in the process of packing up her things from what was going to be my desk. Her hair was a mess, she looked like she had hardly slept and I think she smelled a little. Aro was standing in his office doorway watching with a sad look on his face. One that I would see ten years later again for my own loss. He may be a tough old bastard, but Aro cared about people that worked for him and I respected that.

He explained to me that Maria and her husband Jasper were getting a divorce. She had been cheating on him and he found out in the time-honored fashion of wanting to surprise her at work only to walk in on her in the act. That he saw a B-list actor pounding in to her as she was bent over her desk was just salt on the wounds. The guy's claim to fame apparently was a brief role in the movie _Bio-Dome_. Why anyone would admit to performing in that piece of shit I don't know, but he was trying to fuck his way in to an appointment with Aro in the hopes of landing a new role. When Aro found out what was happening in his office, he fucking lost it. When he calmed down, he told her she had until the current film finished wrapping up to find another job.

I stopped in about a month after the debacle to sign the HR paperwork and ran in to Jasper. Literally. I was embarrassed and apologized and he just shrugged it off. We chatted while waiting for our respective appointments. Apparently Aro felt just as shitty about what happened at his office and asked Jasper to stop by in an attempt to make amends.

To say Jasper was a surfer dude would be to stereotype. And to be accurate in a way. He had long sun-bleached blond hair, a surfer's tan and a wicked pair of shades. He reminded me of a cross between the surfers I saw at the beach and Jeff Bridges character The Dude in _The Big Lebowski_. He was just chill and laid back and I felt all sorts of bad for his shitty luck.

He worked in small home real estate and rented out properties all throughout the L.A. area. I told him I was looking for a place to live once I graduated and he told me had a place about 10 minutes from the office along the shore. I told him I was a poor, soon-to-be college graduate and probably couldn't afford the rent, but he told me it was all good. He slipped me his work number and told me to call him to discuss it further as Aro popped out to greet him.

I had nothing to lose, so I gave Jasper a call the following day. He showed me the property he had in mind and I nearly wet myself at how awesome it was. We discussed price and I know he was taking pity on me, because there was no way a property like that would rent so cheaply. There were several other small homes along the beach nearby and Jasper pointed out his own home as he gave me a small tour of the local area. He explained that he lucked out during the dot com boom and invested in property all along the beach. He owned at least 10 homes, 1 deli, 1 laundromat, 1 car wash and a whole lot of sand within a five mile radius along this part of the coastline.

After a pleasant afternoon talking, he convinced me to take the place which wasn't too difficult on his part. It wasn't some multi-million dollar mansion in the hills, but the place had such character and large windows that opened out to a beautiful view of the Pacific. I'd be on some serious fucking crack to pass that up.

I stood in the office watching Maria as she put the last of her things in a box. She briefly composed herself and told Aro goodbye and walked out the door. I felt sort of bad for her since I fell in to her job and also made friends with her soon to be ex-husband, but that's what happens when you literally and figuratively fuck around at work. I dropped my shit off at my new desk, asked Aro what he'd like for lunch and started the rounds on what would be my life for the next decade.

I had no experience as being a personal assistant and I really had no concept of what the job entailed. It took about six months before Aro and I finally found the perfect rhythm to things and I had the time of my life once we did. I was afforded the chance to travel to other countries, meet famous people and generally get paid for enjoying life when I wasn't too busy being Aro's bitch.

I didn't have much of a social life outside of work, but I kept up with Angela after college and Jasper became one of my best friends. He tried to teach me to surf and I ended up in the hospital for a few days. I tried to teach him how to fry some chicken and he practically burned down his kitchen. Good times.

When Jacob moved in to the house next to me two years later, I thought there would be trouble. He was all sexy and muscular and his dark skin glistened as he hauled boxes in off his truck. I would have drooled, but then he spoke.

"Hey there sexy mama! I know this bod is amazing and completely deserving of the staring, but I should save you the heartache and tell you now that I love the cock. There is nothing more delicious than man-meat."

Laughing at his outrageousness, I couldn't help but reply, "I know what you mean girlfriend. We should go out sometime and find us some."

We didn't go out too often since work kept me so busy, but the few times we did Jake always hooked up. I could say I was jealous, but he was too busy being his fabulous self for me to care. The guys just loved him. He exuded sex-appeal and it was no one else's fault that I didn't. It wasn't like I was dressing badly. I just didn't fit the stereotypical Hollywood girl and so that usually delegated me to the plus one category. I was resigned to be Jake's wing-man and as Jasper would say, its all good.

It was Jake's idea for me to get braces. He heard about those clear braces and insisted I get them. I don't have snaggleteeth, but I agreed a bit of straightening wouldn't be a bad idea if just for health reasons. I finally agreed to it after years of badgering when I was 30 as a present to myself. Angela thought I was nuts and Aro said he liked the new bling.

I can't help but wonder if getting them was a mistake now. On the first two interviews I went on, they asked how soon I would be losing the braces. They didn't care about my years of experience or my dedication to work or Aro's fuckawesome letter. They had an image to uphold and to let themselves be represented in any fashion by someone less than perfect wasn't going to work. I glared at the barbies waiting to be interviewed as I walked out, disgusted at the unfairness of it all.

I just finished going to my fourth interview and it was horrendous. I am seriously considering scraping everything and moving the fuck out of L.A. Maybe Arizona would work. Its hot, dry and not particularly known for its superficial inhabitants. As I start surfing for info on the computer about job openings in Arizona, Aro calls me in to his office.

"Any luck with those interviews Izzy?"

"None. They don't give a shit what I can do Aro. It's not like I'm Quasimodo or something so I really am fed up with the attitude. Honestly, I am thinking of just moving the fuck out of this piece of shit town."

With a nudge of his head, he points to a man standing by the window. I've met Carlisle Cullen on a number of occasions before. A tall blond man with blue eyes and easy going air about him, he was Aro's best friend. I always enjoyed his visits and the verbal banter we would inevitably fall into. He was smart and was one of the few people I genuinely respected.

"Hey there Izzy. Verbally castrate anyone today?"

"Hey there Carlisle. Not yet, but the day is still young. Were you looking for a eunuch for some particular reason or merely for personal amusement?"

"You can never have too many eunuchs. Didn't the Roman Empire teach you anything?"

"Perhaps, but then again I can still bathe myself. I know at your advancing years, basic tasks can be more difficult and require help."

With a loud laugh, Carlisle pulls me into a fatherly hug and asks me to take a seat. With a stupid grin on my face, I sit down and ask whats up.

"Aro informed me about his plans to retire and I've come to offer you a job. I would have tried to steal you away years ago, but Aro is a dangerous man to cross."

"Are you shitting me Carlisle? I'd love to work for you!"

"Uh, that's the thing Izzy. It wouldn't be for me. You'd be assisting Edward."

Oh hell fucking no.


End file.
